I always thought my 30s would be the best decade. I think I read somewhere that in your 20s you find yourself, and in your 30s you are confident enough to just be you, without worrying about what other people may think. And maybe in your 40s you’d feel too old? I’m not quite sure where it went from there, just that I remember the 30s were supposed to be grand.
So here I sit on the morning of my 34th birthday, and I have to agree, I feel pretty grand. Nothing is particularly grand about the day. The sun is shining outside, casting a golden tint over the trees along our property line. A true rarity in a Michigan winter, but as I turn back, the clouds have shifted and the sun and magical glow prove fleeting.
My 8-year-old is nestled next to his brother on the couch, trying to find something on Netflix they can agree on. Without much luck, my 6-year-old has downloaded a new game on my phone, and he saunters over with his chicken legs in nothing but his baggy boxer briefs and asks me how to start it. He chooses to become the manager of the Lions, and the game asks ironically, “are you sure?” I laugh out loud as he chuckles along with me. Because grand 30s or not, the Lions still suck.
My 3-year-old slowly descends the steps, pauses at the entry to the great room as I admire her bedhead, and sleepily climbs onto my lap before demanding cheerios.
A puppy I reluctantly agreed to gives up my slipper grudgingly to play tug of war with her toy snowman. Before chewing open my new lotion.
My toddler is still sleeping in my bed, after a 5:30 am transfer from her room. She talks, mostly yells in her sleep, at her brothers (No, Owen! And Shutup Owen! are most common) and it sometimes makes for a restless night.
My husband enters the kitchen and says, “Happy birthday. 34 looks good on you”. Well idn’t that sweet. If you were here, you’d see my hair hasn’t been washed in a couple of days and I’m wearing yesterday’s lounge wear. That I also slept in. Of course, it probably helped that I am sans bra, but I digress. I’m incredibly lucky to have spent 14 years (holy crap!) with this guy. And now that I think about it, it was this day 12 years ago he asked me to be his wife. He’s my rock and I truly would be lost without him.
In our seasons of life, it’s all too easy to forget where you once were. Those precious moments of today will soon fade into the memories of the good ole days. Earlier this week, I took a day trip up to visit some friends and neighbors from our newlywed days. I don’t make the trip very often anymore but every time I do, I feel an overwhelming sense of nostalgia. It reminds me how easily we forget what life is like at any particular period in our lives. It’s incredibly difficult for me to remember the days of life at home with just the boys, and afternoons with friends and McDonald’s at the park.
They say it goes by so fast. Enjoy them while they’re little. The days are long but the years are short, so the saying goes. We hear it all the time. We KNOW, but in the everyday scheme of life, bogged down with laundry, bills, dishes, and chauffeuring, it’s HARD to truly appreciate where life has brought you. So what better day than today? A day that celebrates my own life, I can sit back and reflect. Soak in these moments. Because bills aren’t made for birthdays and these mornings, like the sun, will be fleeting.
So who am I today? When I look back, what should I remember about life at 34? As an overall attitude, I try to accept what life hands me with grace and appreciate all that I have. I hide from negativity and conflict. I try to stay laid back and not stress over the little things. I don’t work out enough and eat way too much McDonald’s. I love to read self-improvement books and cheesy romance novels. I do my best to not care what other people think: I’m much less of a people-pleaser than I once was. Patience is sometimes my nemesis. Motherhood defines much of who I am, and how much of my day is spent. Life today with 4 kids 8 and under is sometimes hard. Usually busy. Always entertaining. Some days I feel like I’m drowning. In bills, in paperwork, in laundry, in dishes, in appointments, in chauffeuring, in picking up, in diaper changing, in food-making. I feel like a hamster running nonstop on the wheel and getting nowhere. As soon as the rooms are tidy, there’s dinner to be made, and while the laundry’s being caught up the rooms unravel once again.
But there are also the days of peace. Where routine has conquered all and I’ve managed to stay ahead of the curve. Not quite like a well-oiled machine – because no machines involving toddlers are easy to maintain. But there are the days I can stop. Breathe. Smile. Days where the laundry is done alongside playing babies. And groceries are ordered while being served wooden slices of pizza and garlic. I realize these days can be had more often if I just allow myself the grace to have them.
My days are filled with mothering followed by late nights bingeing on junk TV, making fun of my husband for turning in “early” (i.e. before 11pm), and eating chocolate I hid from the kids.
This year we’ve borrowed a teenager, gained 12 animals, and contemplated a move. It’s been a year of transition, understanding, faith, and growth. I’ve discovered a love of bloody mary’s, Emily Ley, and a basis for my love of the south. My house is often overflowing: with toys, with children, with animals, and most of all, with love.
As I sit here in my now mid-30s, I think it’s safe to say I can agree with the opening sentiment. The 30s are meant for confidence. In who you are, and where you’re headed. Of being unapologetically you.
I decided to put together a little highlight collage of photos from the past year I can look back on and smile in years to come. These are just quick grabs from my phone of 2K plus pictures because I have yet to get my life together in the photo management department. Maybe that’s for year 35. Or maybe, just maybe, that’s what those 40s are for!
