Hygiene Chronicles

Somewhere around T minus 36 hours prior to Mel’s arrival, I had a moment of panic.  Oh.my.GOSH.  I did not do enough research.  I’ll be honest – I was panicking – what if she smells?!  I literally had no idea the typical hygiene of a Dutch teenager.  Does she shave her legs?  Hell if I know!  Have no fear y’all.  The second she unloaded her suitcase, full of makeup essentials, shampoo, eucalyptus body wash because it smells SOO good, and plenty of bath bars, my mind was put to ease.  Girlfriend likes to take baths.  Amen.  Turns out, she actually showers somewhere around 3 times as much as a stay at home mom living on coffee and dry shampoo. Who knew?!

Another essential Mel packed was her favorite toothpaste.  This has become a running joke between us now.  We are currently just over 4 months in, and I have bought her 3 tubes.  And remember, she came with one y’all.  She’s averaging one tube of toothpaste per month and I’m pretty certain my husband and I are still using the same one.  Now, to be fair, her tube is 4 oz and ours is 5.8… but there’s also 2 of us.  Figuring out exactly how much more toothpaste she uses, when we’d use up the same amount of toothpaste, and a whole host of other questions could be answered with some math, I’m sure.  But since Mel hates math, and assures me there’s no real-world application for algebra, I digress.  I’m left with only one question: exactly what is she brushing?! 

I’ve been using toothpaste in an unconventional way myself (check it out here), but a quick search of Pinterest reveals there are actually quite a few unexpected uses for toothpaste - check out these ones from healthbeautyabc.com.  For the record, I’m not convinced she hasn’t already tried them ALL.  Please excuse me while I go check my DVDs for scratches…

   

Dealing With A Large Age Gap: The Unexpected Challenges

When we first decided to host an exchange student, one of our main concerns was the fact that we don’t have any teenage children – our oldest is only 8.  We were concerned mostly that she would be disappointed to only have much younger siblings.  In fact, we even considered waiting to host a student until we had a child who would be at the same school - the benefit of having an instant friend, if you will.  However, we ultimately decided to move ahead because we noted the advantages of taking on a 5th child while there was a major gap.  Because our children are younger, ranging in age from 1 to 8, their activities are limited.  The boys (8 and 6) are just getting involved trying out different sports to see what they like.  While the girls, only 3 and 1, are involved in almost nothing at all (besides tearing the house apart all day!).  With our own children’s activities considerably less involved than that of a teenager, it allows for our student to get involved, and for us to have more time to attend her events, when we’re not already running 4 different directions with busy adolescents of our own.  Additionally, I spoke with another host mom of young children, who noted the very real possibility that host family adolescents and exchange students can often clash personalities and make for a much more difficult adjustment or situation.  Ultimately, there’s no time like the present, right?!

While we have avoided the woes of teenage sibling rivalry, the age gap has presented a few unexpected challenges. 

The first challenge centers around the very obvious fact that we are a family of 2 drivers.  While our activities are not too chaotic, there are still 5 kids to juggle, with only 2 people to get from point A to B to C to Timbuktu.  Couple that with the fact that my husband travels for work, typically more so at the height of fall activities and school starting, this becomes much more challenging.  A teenage driver of our own would certainly be pretty helpful.  Additionally, great care is taken to match families with common interests.  For example, if our teenage boys played soccer, we would likely look to host a boy who would like to play soccer as well.  Schedules would line up, and transportation could be shared – hallelujah!  This has not been much of an issue for us, as Mel has not yet gotten involved in a lot of extracurricular activities; however, if you are a family with younger children and are thinking of hosting a student, this is certainly a challenge to consider.

The most difficult obstacle for our family has been the inability to draw comparisons between Mel and our own children.  We’ve never had a teenager, and it’s been over a decade since we were teenagers ourselves!  It’s easy to forget the dynamic that surrounds teenage life.

If you’ve ever had young children, you know, they often rise before the sun, and they’d rather do just about anything than take a nap.  Oh, oh, not so with a teenager!  Honestly, I don’t for the life of me know how Mel sleeps through the Saturday morning chaos at our house.  4 voices ranging in caliber from excited to enraged sports fan fill the house, yet, she sleeps.  Teenagers sleep, A LOT apparently.  It kinda gives me hope that someday, I will too.  Someday my small army will long to sleep in on the weekends and my night owl brain will finally get the rest it requires.  Until then, coffee.  Back to the point: while sleep schedules are a very notable difference, the only real challenge it’s presented is the lack of time spent with Mel.  She will perhaps never know what we talk about around the breakfast table ;)

Seriously though, the most difficult part has centered around day-to-day expectations.  It is incredibly more difficult than expected to figure out what Mel should be doing.  While she loves our kids, not a lot of 16 year olds like to play with army figurines or make up a game to play outside all day.  Adolescents are a whole different ball game: toys and imaginative play are replaced with smartphones and Netflix.  And then there’s chores: what is appropriate?  If we had other teenagers at home, it would be much easier to simply enforce the rules and weave another teen into everyday life.  Furthermore, I sometimes forget that she’s not actually an adult, and expect her to show the initiative of one.  If you see something that should be done – do it.  Turns out, teenagers actually require quite a bit more direction, which has forced me to become a better communicator.

While this is our first and only experience we can speak of, with every situation come pros and cons.  Had we waited to host until our kids were older, these challenges would be replaced with others.  But ultimately, we would have missed out on getting to know Mel.  The key is to keep communication open, address any issues that arise, and always make the most of your experience. 

Keep checking back for more exchange fun, experiences, and insights!   

The Homecoming Up-do, or Don't

Let me be clear.  I am not a hairdresser.  I’m fairly certain my exchange daughter knew this fact.  Yet when homecoming rolled around, she asked me to do her hair.  We had gone to a couple of weddings and I executed a couple simple updos quite well, so I figured I could give it a go.  Mistake number 1: False Sense of Confidence. 

Mistake Number 2: No practice round.  In the days of Pinterest, of course, she had shown me a photo of what she’d like.  It looked pretty simple.  In fact, it could best be described as an elegant ponytail.  A PONYTAIL y’all.  This fact, combined with mistake number 1, and we have a less than stellar situation brewing.

Now, in hindsight, my biggest mistake was not calling for backup.  While laughing at myself at the situation, my best friend says, “You should have called me!  Her hair is JUST like mine”.  This would be the best friend that happens to live only 5 minutes from me, was free that afternoon, AND did her own hair for her own wedding.  But, as we know, I didn’t call her.  So here’s how it went down.

Mel’s hair is naturally curly.  This particular updo required her to first straighten her hair.  My game plan was to straighten, loosely curl, pull back and secure, voila.  The straightening portion went decently well, although I did not anticipate that her hair would not be as smooth as the girl in the picture.  Now, if I were a trained hairdresser, I would have been able to warn Mel that her hair, while thick, is not NEARLY as long as the girl in the photo.  So while I can pull it back, the overall length would be MUCH shorter.  Truth be told, it doesn’t really take a hairdresser to figure this out, but I certainly didn’t think of it at the time.  The loose curls weren’t a disaster either.  No, the true shortcomings weren’t really evident until I started the “up” portion of the updo.  I mean seriously, how hard can it be to put someone’s hair into a ponytail, really?

Have you ever seen the movie “27 Dresses”?  There’s a scene where the sidekick best friend of Katherine Heigl’s character shows up as a fellow bridesmaid with her hair in a less than stellar “updo”.  After receiving a disapproving look, she states something along the lines of, “the b*tch said up, it’s up!”.  Yeah… picture that. 

Let’s just say I found myself googling “easy messy ponytail updo” and trying to replicate the picture of Selena Gomez that surfaced.  Thankfully, Mel was not facing a mirror as I took her hair down not once, but twice, before settling on something that sort of resembled an updo.  She assured me it was great, although admittedly not exactly what she had in mind.  Yeah, me either girlfriend, me either.  The car trip to her friend’s house for pictures consisted of me apologizing profusely, her promising it was great, and a mutual agreement that come time for prom, we’re calling the hairdresser.  Or at the very least, the best friend.  AMEN.

 

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Where It All Began

Before I delve into all things related to our experience hosting an exchange student, I think it’s important to note where it all began.  My husband and I have been talking for years about fostering or adopting children.  In fact, from as long as I can remember thinking about having kids, I’ve thought someday I would love to adopt: there are so many children in need of loving homes, and I would love to someday give children a life they only ever dreamed of.  That being said, we currently have four small children of our own, and fostering is just not right for us at this point in our lives.  However, when we were presented an opportunity to participate in a cultural exchange program (thank you Facebook!), we saw this as a parallel experience that could be very fun and beneficial for our family. 

Were we hesitant?  Sorta.  We kind of jumped right in.  After Jon and my initial discussion, and talking with both the kids and our parents, in a matter of a couple days, we had made the decision to move forward.  Our coordinator sent us applications that met our somewhat specific criteria, careful to match our family dynamic/interests, and we quickly made a connection with a sweet girl from the Netherlands, through the words on her application alone.  Subsequent moments of hesitation on my part were squelched by the connection I had felt with Mel, who we truthfully knew very little. 

After filling out the initial application, there was an interview process, and following required background checks, we were fully vetted and approved as a host family a couple of weeks later. At that point, we were able to see her full application, including pictures of her with her family and her horse, Gino.

The months following, prior to her arrival, included many video chats with both Mel and her family. As her family prepared to say goodbye, we were busy making preparations for her arrival.

I’m excited to share our experiences as a host family.  Follow along if you wish – in the crazy that is our home, I’m sure there will be lots of laughs and chaos along the way!